A few weeks ago, according to Twitter and the Google search page, there was a total lunar eclipse. Unfortunately, I don't think it was visible in the U.S., and even if it were, I doubt I would have been able to see it in the city. I am definitely one of those city people who freaks out whenever they leave the city and can see stars. I didn't even think shooting stars really existed until I went to college and met people who have actually seen them. I hope to be one of those people one day!
In keeping with an astronomy/astrology theme, I've decided to give you some homemade horoscopes! I was very close to applying for a horoscope-writing job recently but didn't because I knew nothing about astrology. It's a shame I got cold feet because I now think astrology is about having a gift, and obviously I have that gift.
Sorry if your sign is not up yet, I promise to add a part 2 soon!
You will soon discover a talent that you never knew you possessed. Around the 15th of this month, this new talent will lead you to an opportunity to meet Oprah Winfrey. You guys just don't hit it off. Your talent is useless. Keep on truckin'.
You are a steadfast and loyal individual. This month you will achieve great success and fortune. You will meet a gorge bass guitar player at a dark bar with long flowing locks and a British accent. He will ask you to move into his luxury apartment rent-free so that you won’t have to move back in with your parents come August. A Hollywood studio exec will discover your blog an offer you a job writing for a sexy soap opera chock full of family drama and lewd acts. Keep on rockin’ in the free world.
I'm just going to be brutally honest. This month may suck for you. I see you are getting married this month. It will rain on your wedding day. You will win a free ride on a luxury jet to your Honey Moon, but you already paid for the tickets, and they were non-refundable tickets. Your mother will give you some great advice on why you shouldn't marry your future spouse. But you just won't take it. Who would have thought? It figures. Keep holding on.
You will meet your future spouse month, probably on the 22nd and probably at a Taco Bell. Unfortunately, you won't get his/her name and/or phone number because you have no game. You will spend the next seven years obsessing over this person, and will eat at that Taco Bell every day in hopes of seeing him/her again. You will meet again and fall in love. But the Taco Bell will give you high cholesterol and make you fat. Keep bleeding love.
You need to chill out. Your confidence will be tested soon when things don't go exactly the way you planned. There is a 16% chance that you will either fart, belch, or get the hiccups at a very embarrassing time at some point during the next month. Fear not, it only adds to your charm. Keep on dancing till the world ends.
You will run into a bit of luck this month when you are hit by a car when riding your bike outside of a bank. The driver, a man who is in a bit of legal trouble, panics when he hits you and gives you a blank signed check before leaving the scene. You write yourself a check for $1,000,000 on your Apple Macintosh Performa 600 computer. You get the money and buy a small castle, but you are also the subject of an FBI investigation. Keep calm and carry on.
Anyone want to guess my sign?
Oh.. I know! I know!
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